so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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