well I can't set my house on fire every night
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im part way to drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize