don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
