And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
