Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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