Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
