I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize