you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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