Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
