K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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