I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
