dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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