Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
