We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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