She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
