dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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