i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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