I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize