4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
