Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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