an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
