His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
