As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
