Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
