Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
