I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
