I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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