Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
