Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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