Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
barbara walters just said penis...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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