apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
