Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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