Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize