is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
