Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
