I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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