It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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