My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
