her vagine was all disorganized.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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