You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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