Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize