That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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