It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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