Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
