why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
