I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
