he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Alive.
So much puke
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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