this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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