Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
