I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
