Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
