I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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