I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize