Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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