I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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