Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
