Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
