I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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