All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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