I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
