we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
