Will you blow on my dice?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
