I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize