It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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