i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
