and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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