Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
