It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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