When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
