He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
