This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
