he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
