I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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