So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
