Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
