Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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