Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
