Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
