remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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