My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
