why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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