If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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