i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
