I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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