I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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