we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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