I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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