I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
