His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
