And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
