just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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