new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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