his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
