Kiss
Puke
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize