We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
