you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
