I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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