I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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