is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
