Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
