Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
