Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This baby is an asshole
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
