Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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