Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
