Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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