he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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