You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
