he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
