I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
