I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
