I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize