Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
