it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
