please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize