We're like a lot better than the average bears
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
