the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
