Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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