U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
