Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
